My Story By FreeNChrist
Early Beginnings
The sexuality in my family is a little vague but I do know that there is some dysfunction at least two generations deep. My Grandmother on my fathers side had slept with various men while married and otherwise. She left my biological grandfather for my adopted grandfather and she eventually left him for other men. I know that my Father was sexually active before meeting my mother. I know that they did not intend to have me as quickly as they did, I was not purposed by my earthly father. My Father supposedly was having multiple affairs on my mother. I suspect my mother ran to the arms of a man before the divorce was final. After the divorce and while he was single, my father had multiple girlfriends and sexual partners. Two years later he was married only to be divorced fifteen years later. I believe and understand that extra marital affairs were involved in this break up. Dad has been bouncing from one woman to another ever since. He has had multiple sex partners and has threatened marriage a couple of times. I believe dad is first a love addict and next a sex addict, while mixing in drinking and drug use.
My Step Father
My mother stayed with my step father for approximately twenty plus years. She married him within a year after the divorce. To my knowledge sex was present early in the marriage but decreased to nothing for years. There was no intimacy physically or emotionally. My step father began having an affair later on into the marriage which led to their divorce. I believe he displayed traits of a sex addiction; sexual anorexia, stay at work for very long hours, non-emotional, extra marital affair, anger, multiple marriages, depression, etc.. My mother has since gravitated to an alcoholic and a man in recovery.
How I began
I believe this all started when the divorce occurred. At some point at five years old I think the love addiction began. I remember strange behavior at this time. I remember clinging to a specific day care woman. I remember feeling a since of love, attention and acceptance from this woman. I also had an attraction to a family member’s girlfriend around that same age this was occurring. I believe that these acts were indicative of my love addiction beginnings. I know that it centers around loneliness, affection, appreciation, approval and acceptance.
Love into sex addiction
This love addiction progressed and eventually materialized into the sex addiction. As I began to age I was always attracted to women / girls older than myself. I remember my first kiss was in the first grade. As I got older I recall being attracted to girls but never having a girlfriend throughout elementary, intermediate or junior high. In the fifth grade my first experience with sexual temptation came with twins which were a grade older than me. They were throwing their bras and panties on me and wanting me to take a bath with them. I believe fantasy was well developed in my life already by the time of this event. I recall seeing girls in my school and picturing what marriage would be like with them. I think when other boys were trying to get into girls pants I was planning for a life long union with one woman. I had made a commitment not to date until I could drive and that is what I did.
High School
My junior year in high school is when I received my first car and I immediately began to date. I started out with girls one and two years younger than myself. One and two months of making-out and groping each other and then on to the next girl. This happened with about five girls in a one year period. None of these girls lived up to the fantasy I had built in my head from so long ago. I must interject for a moment and back track. I had another life going on, on the other side of the world. It was my second personality that formed a destructive foundation. My father had a household also which brought different conquests and challenges. During junior high and my sophomore year these worlds never collided. At dad’s I had a different house, different hobbies, different clothes, different language, different thoughts, different girls. I remember at some point it became fun to play with my step sister who is two years younger than me . She would play with Barbie dolls and I would play with action figures. The Dolls and action figures would battle and then later would make up by kissing and having sex. At some point we transitioned into playing doctor and exploring each others body with our clothes on. This continued for some years and then my sister began bringing her friends to spend the night. During that period of time I became active in body exploration, dry sex, oral sex, and “getting each other off”, but no sexual intercourse, with her friends. Before turning seventeen I met the first girl I considered marriage material (MMI). MMI and I dated for three years, we acted as a married couple and both of us expected to get married at some point. We were physically active but with no sexual intercourse until two years into the relationship. The last year was very active sexually, probably three times a week. This relationship ended because I could not stand the sin that we continued, I could not stop. This first sexual experience was like pouring gasoline on a small fire. I had sought this intimacy since I was five years old, I had longed to feel emotionally and physically connected. I believe this first experience nailed down my love addiction, transforming into my sex addiction. From this point on I began masturbating and watching skin flicks. I had maybe a six month stint of being single and started dating MMII. She and I dated for about two years. During that time we were very sexually active without having intercourse. This relationship ended due to sexual sin as well. I thought that I loved her and vice versa. Her family had accepted me as their own I believe. It was as we were a married couple. The next relationship was another six months later. She had taught me to experiment sexually with different positions and in risky places, this drove the fantasizing into the sexual realm. I had another six month single stint and then met MMIII, she and I were friends for about three to four months before we pursued a relationship. The relationship started out with long make out sessions and quickly turned into a sexual relationship. After a short time I began spending nights at her apartment, we were moving towards the break up because of the sexual sin. She informed me that she was pregnant, at this time we I prayed, and God let me know he wanted me to marry her and so we married.
Pornography
I had been buying playboy magazines and masturbating before we met, I was introduced to pornography magazines by a college friend at the age of nineteen. So I turned to the magazines on my sexual down time. This practice picked back up after marriage. I knew I could not have sex all the time during pregnancy or after as well, so I was pacifying my sexual drive. This pornography and masturbation progressed in my marriage, I had been hiding it all. My wife and I had been struggling sexually, emotionally, financially so I found solace in an attractive woman at work. This woman was struggling with her husband as well so we confided in each other, we went to lunch often, spoke on the phone often, and always flirted when we were together. I didn’t think much of my behavior, she was just a friend. During this same time I was a supervisor of Hispanic crews, they always had porn in their trucks, so when it was after work I would go find their stash of porn. This behavior continued for approximately a year to a year and a half. One evening we had a going away party for an employee at a bar, I was the designative driver. The woman I had been connecting to was going to be there. She met me in the parking lot and said she had to change clothes so she decided to do so in my truck. We then went into the party, during the duration of the evening she began trying to pump me full of alcohol, buying many drinks for me. I drank a couple but certainly did not impair my judgment (my entire life had done that). We were on the dance floor having a good time when she began to grind on me, she felt to see if I had an erection and I did, she smiled inferring to what she had done. She asked me to drive her to another club and then home, her husband was out of town. I refused and said I should probably go home and did that. A week later I was fired from my job, I was told by another employee that it was due to my connection to that woman. I picked up another job immediately as a superintendent, at this job porn became rampant on the job site. I was looking at hard core pornography everyday, coupled with masturbation. There was a very “lose” woman at this job and would often make sexual comments and on several occasions would pull up her shirt. I was becoming entrenched in this sexually sinful lifestyle and environment. On my twenty-sixth birthday my wife found me with a soft core magazine masturbating, this was the beginning of the bottom. I said I would stop and go to a counselor. But I could not stop, I would look up pornography on the computer and she busted me with that also, this was the next step to the bottom. The final straw was one morning the pastor spoke on sexual addiction and what it looked like. I was definitely a sex addict. So I began the process of killing this addiction. There have been many slips all on the computer or with an R rated movies, but it has certainly been a progressive victory over lust.
FreeNChrist not only found freedom over his problems with sexual addiction and lust, God helped him to co-found the Men of Freedom in Oklahoma City. This group helps those who are caught in sexually compulsive behaviors as he once was. Men of Freedom also offers a mentorship training. This intensive training is designed to totally move people to a new level of freedom that they have never experienced before. The mentorship is Christ centered and based upon a 12 step approach to healing. FreeNChrist welcomes your comments and is always ready to help. You may reach him by emailing purityproject@cox.net and asking for FreeNChrist.
