Rethinking the Big M…by RPVPilot
Self-gratification is addictive. If that were not so, quitting would not be a problem. I tried to quit many times over the years and failed miserably. It wasn’t until I asked for God’s to help me quit that I began to enjoy victory and success. God helped me to learn that my addiction to masturbation was the result of deeper causes. He helped me understand that my root cause was based in poor self-esteem and a constant fear of failure. I came to realize that for most all of my life I have been afraid of failing. I used my addiction to porn and self-gratification to compensate for this pain.
There was a time that I rationalized my constant masturbation with the thought, “Masturbating is better than cheating on my wife.” I felt I was better than the other men on ship who would visit hookers each time there was a shore leave. But, now that I think about it, my avoidance of the hookers may well have been more related to my not wanting to spend money and not having the guts to pick up a hooker. One thing I do know, each time I had those deployments at sea, I used it as an excuse to masturbate to my heart’s content and feed my porn addiction.
I have learned that self-gratification conditions our bodies to respond to self-stimulation rather than our relationships. This brings about self-centeredness. When I was caught up in the addiction of self-gratification I only worried about pleasing myself-which is the definition of self-centered.
Masturbation also conditions our bodies to respond to fantasy rather than reality. Maybe I am abnormal, but every time I practiced self-gratification, I found that I needed to have to a mental image to feed a sexual fantasy. I can control my sexual fantasy; but, I can’t always control reality. In my mind, I may have all kinds of plans for a Friday night tryst. But in reality, I cannot control whether my wife will be agreeable, have a headache or even want to have sex with me. With fantasy, I never have a problem because my fantasy girl will always do what I want them to do.
No matter how you shape or mold it, self-gratification is rooted in selfishness because it is all about Me, Me and Me!
With God’s help I am now free of this selfishness. I enjoy a freedom and self-control that I did not have before. My sex life is not rooted in fantasy but in reality. It is based upon a mutually healthy, loving relationship with my wife. I now have a life that I would be proud for my children to emulate.
RPVPilot is a member of the Oklahoma City Purity Project where he leads support and mentor groups to help men become free of porn. He’d love to hear from you. Just send an email to purityproject@cox.net and we’ll pass your request along to him.
