The Purity Project of OKC

I read in the paper about the husband of a co-worker who is going to prison for at least six years. His crime was a natural extension of his long time addiction to pornography. He crossed a legal boundary and used concealed television cameras to spy on young girls. The man was a deacon at a local church. He had a respectable job, a lovely wife and beautiful children. His wife is devastated. His family is torn apart. To someone who doesn’t have a problem with sexual addiction, this man’s unlawful behavior is not only disguisting but totally incomprehensable. They ask, “How did somebody like that get to where he is today?” To those of us who suffer from sexual addictions and compulsive behaviors, we know that there for the grace of God, go I.

How did it all begin?

This is a logical question to ask. There are three answers we hear most often.

1. About 60 percent of men with sexually compulsive behaviors were molested as children.
2. They were exposed to pornography at an early age. Studies are finding that more and more young boys find pornography as early as age ten. Young men become accustomed to seeing these images well before they have the mental and social capabilities of understanding sex and sexual behavior.
3. These men developed a habitual use of pornography and exhibit other sexually compulsive behaviors in their lives.

Does pornography cause this kind of criminal behavior?

Truthfully, no. When we say no, we mean no scientific or significant link can be established between pornography and most forms of criminal behaviors. Because human behavior is complex, no one factor explains it all. There are many underlying factors, perhaps hundreds, that added together, lead a person to commit a sexually related criminal action. What does seem to be true is this; the use of pornographic materials is one of several common factors that influence illegal behaviors. Pornography, when added with other common factors, serve as a impetus for sexually compulsive behaviors. Studies indicate that pornography desensitizes men’s feelings towards women. We also know that once a man or woman becomes addicted to pornographic materials, they will seek harder and harder forms of pornography–including obscene and possibly illegal behaviors.

To the sex addict, pornography is the gasoline that lights the fire of lust. As one becomes more accustomed to some particular form of pornography–say topless pictures–the excitement of viewing these pictures decrease and produce no euphoric high. This leads to a desire to increase the power of the stimulus by finding more and more explicit images and experiences so that one can continue to feel the excitement they once felt. This cycle continues until, at some point, no image or experience really produces an exciting result. Thus, the addict turns to more bizarre forms of sexual behaviors and acting out.

Pornography is a dead end

The cycle of searching for the ultimate stimulus continues unabated until one day the addict is tempted to cross all lines of social decency and acceptance. This concept is one that is hard to understand by the general public and often denied by those who are “under the influence.” But, those who are further along in their addiction and have come to the “end of their rope,” it is very obvious that the end result of pornography is very damaging. To someone who is rather new to a pornography addiction, it is very hard to accept that this behavior can have outrageous consequences–such as that described above. It sounds rather unbelievable. But, for those of us who have suffered from this affliction, we can testify that pornography is a progressive compulsion that grows bigger and bigger until it crowds out and destroys every good thing in a person’s life–if it isn’t stopped in time.

The damage caused by pornography is no less than other addictions.

Just as everyone has seen the damages caused by addictive behaviors such as smoking, drinking, gambling and drugging, so it is with pornography. The outcomes are no less severe. What seems like a harmless behavior in the beginning can lead to extreme behaviors and outcomes. I’ve known people who’ve planned suicides, gone bankrupt, lost their families, become erratic and undependable to their families, lost their jobs and caught diseases from their sexually compulsive addictions. For more information read: Is pornography addictive?

You don’t mess with pornography, it messes with you.

If you are using pornography, you are involved with something that has the potential of ruining every good thing you have. The fact that you enjoy or like it has little to do with the ultimate outcome. The fact that you doubt that bad can come from your involvement with it has little to do with the harm that can come your way.

People I know, who will admit that they have a problem, will often describe a feeling of having something uncontrollable inside of them that urges them, against their wishes, to continue in their sexually compulsive behaviors. If you identify with this, or if you struggle with feelings of guilt and shame because of what you are doing, I urge you to seek help. It can be as simple as writing an e-mail to one of us here at the Purity Project of Oklahoma City.

In the meantime, I’ll get the mailing address for one of Oklahoma’s newest inmates and do all that I can to help him overcome what started as a simple look at something he shouldn’t have seen.