The Purity Project of OKC

The new year is here; but, the question is, “Will it be new for you?”  Will you decide to do something about the problems that you have been avoiding for so long?  I know that I let my problems with sexual compulsions slide for many years.  Fifteen of them went by in the blink of an eye before I finally realized that it wasn’t going to stop unless I did something for myself.  For each of those fifteen years I kept thinking that I’d do something about my miserable problem with pornography.  And I would do something about it and stop for a while.  The problem was that I couldn’t stay stopped!  But now a year and a half have passed and I’ve been free of something I thought might hold me prisoner for the rest of my life.  If you want to be delivered from your sexual addictions, I’d like to propose some worthy goals for you and suggest some actions steps you might take.

Goals

Decide this will be the year that you do whatever it takes to get help for your problem with pornography or other sexual addictions.

Don’t wait any longer.  Each day that you delay only keeps you in a dead-end.  If you need to see a therapist, see one.  If you need help from your minister, ask for it.  If you need to join a support group, find out where they meet and go.  All of us who have been freed from the bondage of sexual addiction have made these first steps and know how hard it can be.  But we also know how liberating it is to take them as well!  Just know that if you need help with this first step that we at the Purity Project are ready to help you. Freedom can be yours.

Decide that you will not have sexual activity outside of marriage

This may be a very difficult decision to make.  We’re saying, no sex or self-gratification outside of marriage.  If you allow yourself to rationalize your behaviors you’ll only keep on doing the destructive things you’ve been doing.  There was a time in my own life where I couldn’t imagine not allowing any kind of self-gratifying behavior.  I felt my wife wasn’t adequately meeting my needs and I felt entirely justified in allowing myself another outlet.  It was that kind of thinking that led me to make a lot of other mistakes as well.  Today I trust God to take care of all of my needs–even my sexual needs.  And guess what, I haven‘t died! <smile> The solution we at the Purity Project propose is is very simple–stop allowing yourself any sexual behavior that isn’t within the bounds of marriage.

Decide that you will set and keep appropriate boundaries

Do you look at others lustfully?  Do you stare at them when you think they don’t know it? Do you take second, third and fourth looks?  Do you spend way too much time seeking pornographic images?  Do you buy pornographic materials from the store?  Whatever it is that you do, that you shouldn’t do, you can avoid if you plan ahead and set an appropriate boundary. If you know that you can’t be alone with the computer, then you have to set an appropriate boundary that somehow prevents this situation.  I know I can’t be trusted not to view inappropriate moves on HBO, Cinemax or Showtime.  I just got rid of the service!  You have to deal with whatever it is that hangs you up.   Make a list of your new boundaries and notice the control that you regain in your life.

Decide the you will stop entertaining the lustful thoughts

Our real problem isn’t pornography, it’s lust.  Lust is a condition of the heart and mind.  When we look at someone, or hope that they look at us, in a lustful way, we are allowing ourselves to enjoy inappropriate thoughts. It is our thinking that gets us into trouble.  Once we get to a certain place in our thinking, our body responds and then we act out.  If we decide to stop entertaining the lustful thoughts just as they begin to form and refuse to give them any more attention we will be doing a lot to stop feeding the monster within.  This process is not easy to do, but with God’s help it can be developed. I know, I’ve done it and I know many others that have as well.  You’ll discover that you like NOT having these thoughts in your mind more than you liked having them before.

Decide that you will read recovery literature each day

If you want to be well, there are any number of books and websites that will aid you in your desire for recovery.  In this day and age, information is abundant.  There is no reason to remain ignorant of the dynamics that drive your behavior.  When we stop feeding our minds with the bad thoughts, we must find something else to replace them.  That something else is God’s word and recovery literature.  There are numerous books written by Christian men and women to aid you in this quest.  It is going to take some time to get better.  Plan on having a book nearby your bed and one in your car that you read whenever you are alone.  Read everyday and get stronger.

Find an accountability partner.

The success rate for sexual compulsions is almost zero when someone tries to do it alone.  That’s because we use secrecy to participate in our problem and we can’t use the tools of our addiction to free ourselves.  We must seek help outside of ourselves if we are to have a fighting chance of recovery.  Not just anyone will makes a good accountability partner.  Spouses, even though they have our best interests at heart, should not be our accountability partner.  Usually there is way too much baggage here.  We need to find someone who has struggled in the same way we have and who is farther down the road of recovery than we are.  An accountability partner is someone you feel a mutual bond with that will agree to hold you responsible for actions you decide you ask them to.  It is someone you contact almost every day.  This person serves as a friendly guide to help lead you away from destructive behaviors.

This new year can be better than the one before.  We at the Purity Project are here to help in any way that we can.