The Purity Project of OKC

When I first begin to see the damage that was happening in my life due to my involvement with porn, I knew that I had to quit right away. I was convinced that porn was a bad thing in my life and I was ready and willing to stop. The problem was, I couldn’t stay stopped! To those who don’t have a porn problem it is hard to understand why someone can’t just stop what they are doing. It doesn’t make rational sense! I was once like them. I thought that once someone made up their mind to quit that they’d stop just like that. So, I made up my mind to quit “just like that” and it worked for a short period of time and then, to my dismay, I would fall away once more and become more involved with porn than ever before. I did this yo-yo thing for a number of years. It never worked. Each time I failed I became more miserable and frustrated with myself. What I have learned is that becoming free of porn is a tricky process that takes some time. I wish it could happen by resolve alone; but, I have learned that it doesn’t work like that. While there are many things that help one get porn out of their life, there is one thing that absolutely must be in place.

Get an accountability partner!

If you are really serious about quitting porn, you are going to need some outside help. If you are not ready to seek help–that’s okay, keep trying to do it by yourself until you feel ready to try something different. In the beginning, I wasn’t too sure that I wanted to do this. I wanted to solve my problem by myself and keep this whole porn thing under wraps. I wanted a private solution to my private problem; but, 50 books later, and numerous counseling sessions later–I still was not stopped and fully engaged in my porn problem. I decided that I didn’t have anything to lose by trying a different approach.

An accountability partner isn’t rocket science and it isn’t fancy or costly. Just go to a trusted friend, of the same gender, and tell them you need someone to hold you accountable for your actions. My accountability partner is a very kind man. We didn’t know each other before I joined a small mentor group. He was very honest with me and described how porn had ruined his first marriage and nearly cost him a second. Like me, he had been caught up on porn most all of his life and like me, he didn’t know how to stop until he sought help from a group of guys who had found a way to stop. The key to this group was accountability.

Suggestions for finding the right accountability partner.

1. They should be familiar with this problem and have overcome it.
2. They should be absolutely trustworthy and able keep and secrets you tell them.
3. They should be willing to ask you the tough questions: “Have you seen anything since I last talked to you that was the least bit immoral or pornographic?” “Have you practiced self-gratification since we last spoke?” “What did you see or do today that may have triggered your thoughts today?” If your partner is squeamish about asking you these tough questions, they are not the right partner for you.
4. They should be a partner you that you would be willing to listen to and follow their advice.
5. They should be someone who wants to walk along side of you and not consider themselves better than you.
6. It should be someone who is not repulsed by the fact that you have a problem with porn.
7. It should be someone who won’t condemn you for having a problem but who won’t minimize your problems either.
8. It should be a person who is willing to look at a report of each website you visit and talk to you about any inappropriate website you may have seen.
9. It should be a person that wants to talk with you daily, or when you feel tempted or triggered.
10. It should be a partner who will be willing to impose a mutually agreed upon consequence when you fail and who will encourage you when you succeed.

Where can you find an accountability partner?

It isn’t as hard as it may seem.

1. Call or write us here at the Purity Project. The folks here are willing to help you–that is why this website exists! We’ll keep your confidence and move you in the right direction.
2. Talk with your minister and ask for help.
3. Go to a local support group and enlist the help of a sponsor. There are many in your area.
4. Talk with a trusted friend that you believe would be willing to help you.

Accountability Works!

I can vouch that accountability works. I count my accountability partner as a dear friend and a trusted advisor. There are many other things that can help you quit porn; but, I think an accountability partner is the first and most important step. If you are ready to stop porn for good this time, why not contact someone here at the Purity Project and let us help you start your accountability work. It doesn’t cost anything but your time. We’re ready to help.