The Purity Project of OKC

by Luke Gilkerson, Blog Editor for Covenant Eyes

Why Accountability?

Recently, I explained the idea behind Covenant Eyes accountability software. The response I received was “That’s creepy.”

This is a typical response. The idea of a detailed Internet-usage report being sent to designated accountability partners sounds like a subplot from 1984. Big Brother is watching you.

What benefit does accountability of this type have? Why would anyone endorse* such a program.

What is Accountability?

Accountability is the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions. Nearly every organization, political machine, and social group has at least an informal code of accountability. In each new social setting, we take on commitments and from those commitments there are expected outcomes; accountability is the obligation to demonstrate one’s performance in light of those expectations. When we firmly adhere to expectations, this is called building integrity.

Covenant Eyes is a simple software tool that helps to establish Internet integrity. It keeps us accountable to what we view and hear from the World Wide Web.

Temptation and Power of Hidden Sin

The average Covenant Eyes software user is also concerned about more than just establishing a flawless Internet surfing record to get kudos from others. These users are concerned about the issue of temptation. The statistics speak for themselves:

• 25% of all search engine requests are pornography related.

• 70% of 18 to 24 year old men visit pornographic sites in a typical month. 66% of men in their 20s and 30s also report being regular users of pornography.

• 34% of churchgoing women said they have intentionally visited porn websites online.

• The No. 1 search term used on search engine sites is “sex” (more than “games,” “travel,” “music,” “jokes,” “cars,” “weather,” “health,” and “jobs” combined). “Pornography/porno” was the fourth-most searched for subject.

• 72 million Internet users visit pornography web sites per year.

• 2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic.

• The most common ways people have accidentally reached pornographic content on the Web are pop-up windows (55%), misrepresented links (52%), misspelled URLs (48%), and auto links within emails (23%).

• 15% of online porn habits develop sexual behavior that disrupts their lives.

• The adult industry was a $13.3 billion business in 2006. The Internet accounted for US $2.84 billion of that (21%).

• Roger Charman of Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20% of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.

• 38% of adults believe it is ‘morally acceptable’ to look at pictures of nudity or explicit sexual behavior.

• For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography.

• Median age for the first use of pornography: boys: 11-13 girls: 12-14.

• According to pastors, the 8 top sexual issues damaging to their congregation are: 57% pornography addiction, 34% sexually active never-married adults, 30% adultery of married adults, 28% sexually active teenagers, 16% sexual dissatisfaction, 14% unwed pregnancy, 13% sexually active previously married adults, and 9% sexual abuse.

Temptation is everywhere. Pornographic material is more accessible now than ever before. No need to walk into a seedy little shop on the edge of town or find the back room of the video rental store. Pornography is a click away.

So where does accountability come into the picture? How does becoming accountable aid in the area of temptation?

The preoccupation that we are able to hide our sin makes it all the more powerful. An insightful post on healthymind.com talks about the three A’s of internet pornography: anonymity, affordability, and availability. Monitoring software, it states, is “designed to prevent internet surfing from being done ‘privately’ without someone else knowing what is being viewed.” Covenant Eyes is one such program. It removes the first A: anonymity.

So, how does an accountability report help the tempted? Is it just a tool for those who want ridicule from others for their weaknesses? Is it just a way for Big Brother to slap a line-item guilt trip on those caught in sin? Certainly it could be used this way (and likely has for some).

There is, however, a powerful connection between our willingness to have our sins brought out into the light and our willingness to be changed. In our hearts, openness and transparency are linked to the desire to obey and the acknowledgment of our weaknesses. Those who are unwilling to speak candidly about the temptations that hit them day after day (especially the temptations they give in to) are more likely to lower their standard of purity. Sin only gains more power when shrouded in darkness and hidden in corners.

The root of many self-gratifying sins is the tendency to self-centeredness. This is why the process of growth and discipleship is often referred to as a death to self in Scripture. Self-centered pride leads to other sins besides sexual impurity: it can lead to a haughty, unapproachable, unsubmissive spirit in many areas of life. Seeking accountability often reflects not just a desire to turn from sexual sin, but a desire to turn from the prideful root of that sin. As Christians, we are growing into the likeness of Jesus. The fertile soil of this growth is humility, a willingness to say “nothing in my hand I bring, only to the cross I cling.”

The Beloved Disciple once wrote, “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. . . . If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:6-7,9 NASB). Light means exposure: it reveals what’s really there. As we drag our sins into the light of confession, there we find the presence of Christ to embrace us, the body of Christ to instruct and comfort us, and the blood of Christ to wash us of sin’s gripping power and guilt.

Accountability Partners

In a Christian context this is what the redemptive community called the church is all about. When followers of Jesus refuse to submit themselves to wise and godly people in the Body of Christ we can see a red flag, a root of independence that feeds a number of potential sins. When the Body of Christ is unwilling to offer Biblical accountability to those who need it, we allow brothers and sisters to stockpile poison.

Take, for example, a testimony I recently read by gospel singer Kirk Franklin when he appeared on Oprah. Trapped in pornography addiction since the age of 8, young Kirk went to his pastor at age 15 to confess his struggle. “He sat back in his chair and he took a puff out of his cigar . . . He said, ‘Oh, you’re young—you’ll grow out of it.’ He had no idea that he spoke death into my life. That shut me down because [I thought], ‘Well, someday I’ll grow out.’ [Instead], I grew in—and I grew in deep.”

It was only later in life that people in his church helped him find fulfillment in his music and his faith. This is how the church is meant to operate. This is what accountability in the church is for.

The average Internet user may find himself pulled (because of the desires in this flesh) to look at explicit online images or open up a pornographic email. He can open the link, feel bad about what he sees, and close the window. Will he tell anyone that he fell to temptation? Will he tell his wife that he sought out the image of another woman? Perhaps not. But that same tendency to hide his sin is also feeding the sin itself. Before long that sin will grow and manifest itself in other ways.

Covenant Eyes provides a software program for those who voluntarily say, “I give up my so-called rights to privacy in this area. I am willing to be accountable for what I see.” To some, Covenant Eyes is seen as a quick fix to their addictions (bad idea). But to others, downloading the software is just one part of a wholesale declaration of repentance and surrender. They are giving this area of their hearts over to their Savior and submitting to the wise discipleship of a mentor, friend, or church. As one of our users said, “I have thought of using a filter many times but PRIDE would always talk me out of it.”

The Power of Shame

Shame gets a lot of bad press today, and for good reason. Chronic shame that accepts no comfort and no forgiveness from God when He offers it is a real problem. But shame has positive counterparts. Sometimes shame refers to the painful emotions felt when we are conscious of our guilt—this is internal shame and when it is produced by the Holy Spirit, it is life-transforming. Paul refers to the godly sorrow and grief that produces real repentance: “For God can use sorrow in our lives to help us turn away from sin and seek salvation. We will never regret that kind of sorrow. . . . Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish the wrongdoer” (2 Corinthians 7:10-11, NLT).

Sometimes shame refers to the humiliation we experience when our darker secrets and character flaws are exposed to others. This is external shame. We need to be careful when we talk about this sort of shame. It becomes abused when it is mixed with the ill intentions of sinful people. To shame someone for the sake of hurting them is itself sinful. To shame someone who has genuinely repented of sin is also wrong. The goal should never be humiliation, but exposing sins to the sinner and exploring the root of that sin.

God sometimes exposes a person’s sin and the shame that follows as a means of drawing them closer. Stories about this abound in the Bible: Nathan’s confrontation of King David (2 Samuel 12); Peter’s confrontation of Simon the Sorcerer (Acts 8); Paul’s confrontation of Peter (Galatians 2); the Corinthian Church’s confrontation of the man committing adultery with his step-mother (1 Corinthians 5).

The benefit of Covenant Eyes software is that the users know that they will be brought to account for what they see, and for many the potential future exposure of their sins to others keeps them from peering over the edge of the cliff.

With all this said about shame, there remain two important notes:

1. Sin, especially sexual sin, leads to self-deception.

The sum of our thoughts will make up our attitudes. Our attitudes will influence our actions. Our actions will accumulate into habits. And the sum of our habits will be our character. As we give ourselves more and more to sexual sin, in thought, attitude and action, our understanding is clouded, our hearts become hard. Paul says this so clearly: “Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity” (Ephesians 4:17-19, ESV).

At times the Lord shows his mercy to the hard-hearted by exposing their sin through another person and it will bring the sinner to a place of repentance. In this way shame is a built-in defense mechanism that keeps us from destroying ourselves in sinful deception.

2. Shame is often abused.

Covenant Eyes is not without its detractors. The most vocal among them tend to highlight the need to live out purity from the heart and not conform to external pressures. Some see Covenant Eyes as amateurish, heavy-handed, and intrusive. These criticisms have their merit because shame is so often abused. The church can lay heavy guilt trips attempting to conform behavior instead of bringing people to the One who can transform hearts. Let’s face it: it is so easy for the church community to engage in a cultural hiding game. I can convince myself that I am a more dedicated or mature Christian because I can convince others of how little I am sinning. This is not growth. It is self-deception.

Promoting chronic shame in the church is very destructive. It propels the church in the opposite direction of the mutual confession and healing James 5:13-16 talks about.

However, because the Covenant Eyes program is voluntary, the average user desires to be called to account for his/her actions because they understand their weaknesses, their habits, and the deceptive power of lust. He/She sees at the root of their sexual sins a tendency to self-centeredness and they desire to come out of isolation and give others permission to call them to account.

Quality Accountability

Accountability partnerships need to go deeper than a simple review of Internet reports. True accountability means helping others to walk in the light, coming alongside them in the process. We help each other to walk in the light by (1) giving each other the tools to dive deep into the hidden motives of our fractured hearts, (2) using our two greatest weapons in warfare together (the Word and prayer), and (3) challenge each other to eliminate all pretense that continually fools us and others to our true condition. Let’s look at these elements one at a time.

1. Diving Into Our Deep Hearts

Proverbs 20:5 states, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

We are most certainly responsible for our sins, but accountability partners are called to help someone else get to the root of their sin, diving deep into muddy waters. Accountability partners help find the underlying issues and belief systems that feed temptation.

The Lord grants us new hearts (Jeremiah 31:33; Ezekiel 36:26; 2 Corinthians 3:3). It is one of the greatest promises of the New Covenant ratified by Christ. This new heart is the new inner man that is being transformed day by day to become like Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:16; Colossians 3:10). We are essentially new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17); we are the opening act of God’s renewal of the whole world (Isaiah 65:17; Acts 3:19-21; Romans 8:19-21). This new self is united with Christ: the same Christ who has freedom from sin’s tempting grip (Romans 6:10), because of His resurrection life. As we experience the power of His resurrection in our lives (Philippians 3:10), we experience freedom from sin’s grip. As we meditate on the glory of God in the person of Christ, our daily lives are transformed (2 Corinthians 3:18; 4:6).

Yet with all this newness, the oldness of our bodies remain. The physical members of our bodies remain the same. The outer self is the beachhead where sin can attack. It is where sin dwells (Romans 7:22-25). This outer self includes not just our visible extremities, but all the inner workings of our brain, our appetites, and our hormones. While the body can and should be used as an instrument of righteousness (Romans 6:13), because it is impulsive and indiscriminate in its responses, this is where sin grips us.

Our first and greatest line of defense is the mind. As temptation presents itself and the impulses of the body begin, before we act or react in any way, the temptation must first move through the thoughts in the mind. Renewing the mind in truth is the way we move from the old habits that make us look like people of the world and towards new habits that make us look like Christ (Romans 12:2).

For example, if a tempting email that promises sexual pleasure comes into my inbox, my body begins to react. The old neural connections in my brain begin to release certain hormones into my system and prepare my body for the sexual experience. As this process begins the thoughts in my mind are tapped. The key term here is “belief”: what is my belief system at that time? If I believe the promised sexual experience will bring lasting fulfillment, then I will probably act out on that belief. On the other hand, if my mind is renewed in truth, then the sinful action or disposition will be rejected.

Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately the purposes in a man’s heart, the thought processes in the mind, are like deep water. We are like onions constantly being peeled to reveal new, never-before-seen layers of our personality and belief systems.

Accountability partners are good friends who help each other by being “men of understanding” (Proverbs 20:5). As they grow in their relationship they can be of great help to each other in tapping the secret motives and hidden belief systems in the heart. Through open and honest dialog there can be more than confession of sin; there can be probing questions that will get to the bottom of why the sin is there. “What were you thinking when you fell to sin?” “What were you telling yourself when the temptation came along?” “What belief were you operating on when the sin was committed?” “What Biblical truth comes to mind that speaks to this problem?”

This is where the second part comes in.

2. The Word of God and Prayer

The words of God, the Scriptures, are the offensive weapons we use as we fight temptation (Ephesians 6:17). Speaking God’s words, coupled with prayer (v.18), is how accountability partnerships thrive and bring lasting change.

Jesus was a man whose mind was fresh with God’s written word. His first response to the devil’s temptations was “It is written . . .” (Matthew 4:4,7,10). Jesus speaks of Himself as the One the Father “consecrated,” “sanctified,” or “set apart” and sent into the world (John 10:36). Jesus uses the same wording when he speaks of setting us apart for God’s service: “Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, so I have sent them into the world” (John 17:17-18). Just as Jesus’ mind was filled with God’s Word, so our minds, filled with God’s Word, will set us apart to for Him.

The Bible is filled with the “oracles” of God. The word “oracle” means an utterance spoken out of great burden. God’s heart was overflowing with thoughts to share with His people. God gave His people prophets who carried these burdens and wrote them down for our instruction so that we might understand more of the mind of God. These men of God were carried along by the Holy Spirit (2 Peter 1:21) and today we have their treasured words to read over and over. Jesus said that these writings, “the Law and the Prophets,” would never pass away until they were fulfilled (Matthew 5:18). These words of truth would be the primary tool of our transformation (John 17:17).

However, the Word of God must be mixed with faith for it to have an effect on our consciences and hearts (Hebrews 4:2; Acts 26:18). We must brandish this sword, not leave it in its sheath. “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). Every argument in our minds not based on truth, every thought that is not based on reality, are the bricks used to build fortresses of false belief systems. As we take each thought captive we dismantle these fortresses and begin to live in harmony with the truth.

One of the best tools I’ve seen for equipping one another with the Word of God is the LTG format (Life Transformation Group). The Church Multiplication Association (CMA) has pamphlets explaining LTGs. Neil Cole’s book about LTGs is very informative.

A Life Transformation Group (LTG) is made up of two or three people of the same gender who meet weekly to discuss their daily Bible reading, to ask each other character-building questions and to pray for pre-Christian family and friends. Each week the members of the group challenge one another to dig deep into the Word of God. Using probing accountability questions, each person is challenged to live a life of integrity and holiness. The benefit of this format is that it is reproducible anywhere there are willing people. No curriculum is needed. The format also allows for easy multiplication of the group to encourage and disciple more people.

Over time, as the Word is directed more and more into our hearts and minds, real and lasting transformation happens. We go from simply managing our sinful problems to becoming sold-out disciples of Jesus.

3. Eliminating Pretenses

This final step of accountability is often overlooked. We need to challenge each other to eliminate all pretense that continually fools us and others to our true spiritual condition.

Take the apostle Paul as an example. As a Pharisee his visible track record was “blameless” (Philippians 3:6). This was a pretense that covered his true spiritual condition: cut off from the Messiah and persecuting the people of God. Paul had an impressive spiritual pedigree. He was born in a devout Jewish family, knew the Hebrew Scriptures inside and out, and was at the top of his religious class (Philippians 3:5-6; Galatians 1:13). This was all pretense.

Often we prop up spiritual pretenses in our lives that attempt to make up for the spiritual deficit in our hearts. Pretense can be many things: leadership positions, marital status, knowledge of Scripture, role in the church, or visible lack of sinfulness. True accountability partners help us strip away the pretenses that blind us or others to the truth.

Covenant Eyes: A Tool of Accountability

Covenant Eyes software is merely a resource that helps us in our Internet age to maintain integrity and equip accountability partners to do their job well. Detailed reports of Internet activity allow partners to confront another’s sin in a more direct manner. Accountability partners can then help one another draw out the hidden issues of the heart, teach the Word to each other, and help strip away harmful pretenses that hide true spiritual conditions.

* Covenant Eyes is recommended or endorsed by a number of organizations: The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families (NCPCF), Focus on The Family, Promise Keepers, Young Life, Navigators, Faithful and True Ministries (Dr. Mark Laaser), Wycliffe Bible Translators, Precept Ministries International (and founder Kay Arthur), Assemblies of God denomination, The National Coalition for Purity (NCP), Dallas Theological Seminary, Christ for the Nations Bible College.